Many of us had a bad upbringing. We were not loved, we didn't know what real love was, we were not cherished, we were not appreciated and we are not accepted.
We grew up empty, looking for people to fill this vacuum in our heart. Someone to accept us, appreciate us, welcome us, give us listening ears, hug us when we are down and give us a shoulder when we feel like crying. The danger about this is we end up doubting ourselves. We don't believe in ourselves. We can't count on ourselves. We depend on people for everything. In order to fill this vacuum some of us try buying it with money or our bodies. We end up in wrong relationships and accept bad company in a bid just to feel whole. We forget that we only meet people with the same goals and interests. In other words we relate to our own reflections. When you go to the Gas Station, the people you meet there are people who have empty cylinders coming to fill. When you go the restaurants, you meet people who are hungry and looking for something to eat. When you go to the bank you meet people who are either coming to deposit or withdraw money, people who have something to do with money.
This is how we meet people, if you are whole you meet people who are whole but if you are empty, you meet people who are empty. The reason why these relationships fail is because the people we meet can't give us what we want, they are also seeking what we seek. What we have in common with these people is a problem and not a solution. So at the end of the day it’s one problem plus another and we come out of these relationships worse than we ever thought. One thing everyone needs to remember is that the best relationship you can have with any person is the one you already have with yourself. Your relationships with others can't fix you; you have to work on yourself, fill yourself and become whole before getting into a relationship; for relationship is all about sharing. If a problem is what you have, then that is what you bring to the table and that is what you serve; for you can't give what you don't have. Instead of dating someone to find out if they like you or not or whether they will marry you, start dating yourself, take yourself out to eat, buy yourself things you would want someone to buy for you, love yourself like how you want to be loved and once you start doing this, you will feel awesome. At the end of the day, it's all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit. Become complete first before you complement someone. In conclusion “If I give away everything that I have and hand over my own body to feel good about what I’ve done but I don’t have love, I receive no benefit whatsoever” - 1 Corinthians 13:3 (CEB). Written by Danjuma Iliya.