If you want to get your needs met, then meet your spouse’s first. Figure out what his primary needs are, and meet them, and then you’ll get your needs met! There is truth to the adage that the more we care for others’ needs, the more our own are met. The key here is motivation: if you care for someone’s needs in order to get something in return it’s manipulation, and they will sense it and it will backfire. If you care for someone’s needs because you love them, then that love by itself will change the dynamics of your relationship, and you will be more likely to get your needs met. Men are really quite simple. They need two things: respect and sex. Just two things. Respect can be more easily defined as both affirmation and appreciation. When you affirm what they do and show them appreciation, they feel ten feet tall. When you make love to them, you affirm their manhood and they feel loved. And when they feel loved, they tend to feel less antsy, more compassionate, and more eager to keep pleasing their wives because they feel like the relationship is something they do well. Men tend to want to put in effort in areas they feel they are good at. That’s why if a man feels he’s lousy at marriage he’ll start working more, or playing on the computer more. He retreats to areas of competence. Make your man feel incompetent and irrelevant, and he’ll retreat. It’s as simple as that. Now, of course, some men are louts, and it doesn’t matter how much you try to please them, they’re going to retreat and be insensitive. Absolutely. But I think the number of honest to goodness natural louts is far fewer than the number of men who currently ACT like louts. I think many men act like louts because that is how they have been treated. Too many wives have virtually no respect for what a husband really needs, but you have unlimited respect for your own needs. And you’re not only hurting your husbands–you’re hurting ourselves. Written by Danjuma Iliya.