Well, unhappily married people would say it's that "magic" feeling that "just happens" between two people. it's not something you can consciously create. It’s that "spark" that's either there or it isn't. And, with a definition like that, you know WHY these people are unhappily married. Love is the thing that people want more than anything else in life and unhappily married people have defined it as something that's completely outside of their control. They've defined it as a WHIM that can come AND go. It's something that's unbelievably exciting when it's there and intolerable when it's not and they are literally wrecking their lives trying to find and "pin down" this elusive feeling. For people who are unhappily married, love is something to "GET" from others. In complete and total contrast, happily married people define love as a feeling that is subject to their thoughts. Thoughts produce feelings and therefore, to produce the feelings one wants is as simple as having the right kinds of thoughts. Moreover, in the view of happily married people, love is something that a person receives IN KIND!
In other words, one doesn't try to GET love from others, rather they GIVE love to others WITH JOY AND PLEASURE which inspires others to GIVE love back. While unhappily married people take the "hard" route of bending over backwards to GET love and rarely ever reaching it. happily married people take the "easy" route by bending forward and GIVING it to their spouse and everyone around them and love EASILY comes back to them. Moreover, love is deciding that one's spouse HAS value and being committed to showing, expressing, and articulating that value in as many ways as possible. As you consider that, perhaps the elusive secret to a happy marriage really is as simple as consciously deciding to consistently put intention, attention, and effort towards HAVING a happy marriage. Written by Danjuma Iliya.