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TEN COMMANDMENTS ON RELATIONSHIPS

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  1. See your relationship as your most powerful teacher. No matter how good or bad your relationships are with the people in your life, there is always more to learn. Never get complacent and never think you know or have it all. Life will humble you if you do.
  2. Spend time everyday nurturing your most important relationships. Quality is what counts, not quantity. Don’t get lazy. If you forget to eat, drink, or maintain your personal health, you will eventually wither and die. The same goes for your relationships. They require daily attention and care.
  3. Don’t expect instant gratification, magic, or constant affirmation from your relationships. Relationships have a life cycle just like human beings. Just like you don’t feel and perform a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time, nor will your relationships. Give them a break and appreciate the long-term view.
  4. Remember, we are interdependent beings. You need others and others need you. We will not thrive as a species if we live in the ‘survival of the fittest’ game. Pay it back, forward, and sideways. Give freely and without expectations. If we all do this, we all win.
  5. Develop the skills you need in order to create healthy relationships. While we are hard wired to develop language, we are not hard wired to automatically know how to manage our emotions and communicate effectively. You took the time to learn how to write, do arithmetic, and acquire a trade. Put in at least the same amount of time, attention, money, and effort in learning how to do relationships. Read books, find role models, get coaching, counseling, or therapy. Either way, get educated.
  6. Don’t expect perfection—from yourself and from others. You are human. You will always be a work in progress. Be willing to admit your mistakes and learn from them. Be willing to forgive others for theirs.
  7. Tell people what you want and need. Don’t expect anyone to be a mind reader. Learn how to communicate in a way that is clear, direct, and kind.
  8. Everyone has their own perspective on things. Don’t expect everyone to agree with yours. Be willing to accept others’ perspectives as being true for them.
  9. Being human means you will feel happy, sad, hurt, scared, lonely, angry, excited, content, bored, etc. Emotions flow along with the changing circumstances of your life. Get comfortable with all your emotions. When you do, you will not feel compelled to find ways to deny, repress, suppress, mask, and project them onto others. I promise, no one ever died from having an emotion. They are what enable you to create intimate relationships with others.
  10. Your relationships are the most important assets you have in your life. Act accordingly by involving GOD. Written by Danjuma Iliya.

 

 

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