“A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.” -Unknown.
Any relationship that is at a standstill does not grow; you may be driven by lust but not love. You do things out of duty not out of love. You don’t see the need for a long-term commitment. One of the factors that can cause a stagnant relationship is lack of trust. A relationship is not merely built on a legalistic approach, but no relationship can survive if the people involved do anything that pleases them without a rule.
1. At the beginning of a relationship, you need to talk about your values. Integrity should be one of your values. Make a zero-tolerance for dishonesty in your relationship. Integrity comes from a Latin word ‘integer’ which means something that is a whole or complete. In mathematics, an integer is a number that is complete (whole) without a fractional component. A person of integrity is an honest person who has no inconstancy. If you are not transparent, you give your partner a cause not to trust you. Build trust every day, if your action may undermine the trust in your relationship make sure to explain to your partner before you do it. Lack of trust is a leading killer of relationships, and it does not end there, it leads to other problems. In his article, “Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail” Preston Ni listed trust issues as number one. He wrote, “Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals.” Sometimes I meet people who are jealous and possessive, but one can trace its source to lack of trust. You cannot just talk about possessiveness without touching the trust issues, they are interconnected, but the primary source is the lack of trust.
2. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t reach conclusions when you don’t have the whole facts. It is easy to blame your partner for what you think he or she is doing or has done but which may not be accurate. You can tell him or her about what you feel about specific behaviors and ask the reasons behind them. Here is the problem, there are times you may not be convinced. Calm down, don’t judge, ask God for patience and guidance.
3. Feel free to communicate regularly and address any relational issues on time. Regular communication creates bonding. You feel something is not going well if you have not interacted for some time. You share what is going in your lives.
4. Don’t base all your actions on your intentions. I have heard people saying, “I do it with good intentions.” Your partner may not know your intentions. If you enter into another person’s room all the time, and you know you do not do anything wrong, but it is creating a problem in your relationship, don’t say my intentions are good.
5. Examine your actions and ask yourself how you’ll feel if you switch roles with your partner. Are your actions justifiable?
Make every effort to build trust in your relationship. Your failure to do that, may bring bitter experiences. - By Danjuma Iliya.