PRINCIPLES: According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, (1) it is a moral (concerning or relating to what is right and wrong in human behavior) (2) rule or belief that helps you to know what is right and wrong and (3) that influences your actions, (as a Christian) emphasis mine
RELATIONSHIP: From same source as stated above, the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc. talk to, behave towards, and deal with each other.
CHRISTIAN: These are the saved who have been redeemed from the lost world Col. 1:12-13.
With these definitions, we are then considering how a Christian could morally conduct his/her self with others towards having a relationship that is pleasing to God.
BACKGROUND: Information Transforms! Knowledge protects! Learning Activates! The word “Trans-form” has two words “Trans” and “Form”. “Trans” (prefix) means to “go beyond” “soar above”. “Form” (base word) means a structure, nature or body that is physical. “The earth was without FORM, and void…. “(Gen.1:2). This implies that the earth was shapeless, without physical nature or body. So, nothing becomes “trans” without “form”. Our thrust in this lectureship is not to “form” but to “transforming” us with Divine Information. You all as singles – widows or widowers, unmarried have a form but this lesson has a mandate from God to trans-forming this generation and beyond! This lesson wants us to go beyond our natural form. Transform (verb) to change the “form” of something – converting someone’s character or appearance.
PROLOGUE: The most significant relationship in the world and in life is not INTER-PERSONAL but INTRA-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
INTER (prefix) means between; from one to another (inter-action).
INTRA (prefix) means within, inside; within you.
God did not start the human race with couple but single. Adam was made and placed in the Garden of Eden – God’s instruction. God did not have an issue with the singleness but the couple.
Intra-personal relationship is a key to all other relationships; Relationship with yourself – your self – image, temperaments, character, strength, gift, vision, design, purpose, power etc.
We often make a mistake to think that inter-personal relationship is highly necessary than intra.
FACTS TO CONSIDER IN RELATIONSHIP

• Everything God created has a design to function.
• Singleness is a blessing – pre-requisite for marriage.
• Marriage is designed for inter-personal relationship.
• Singleness is designed for intra-personal relationship.
• It is better to be unmarried and be happy than unhappy in marriage.

NB: Marriage does not change people. Marriage never solve loneliness. If you feel that nobody loves and cares for you, you are worst person to marry. Never stand with someone when you cannot stand alone – within.
LEVELS TO CONSIDER IN RELATIONSHIP
Spiritual level (Relationship with God, the belief system and values) (usefulness or importance)
The Intellectual level (Education, skills, talents…)
The Sociological Level (Relationship with others, family members, colleagues, opposite sex). (illustration)
The Psychological Level (Temperament, self-control etc)
The Physiological Level (Neatness, body odor, mouth odor etc)
Spiritual level (agreement) in the Lord is the foundation for all other levels. According to Myles, (2004:26), Spiritual level is the foundation stone for every truly successful, productive and fruitful relationship. People can share common interests, intellectual pursuits, and have the same goals, but without spiritual agreement, they will still have broken relationships. God did not start from any level than Spiritual.
Stormie Omartian (1982) berates the DANGERS in marrying someone outside your faith. The language in the family should be that of God and His Word. You cannot be spiritually, historically, financially, and physically naked/opened/transparent if you are not on the same spiritual page. (Dag Heward –mills 2012:20). 2 Cor. 6:14
The best place to find a godly person is the God’s kingdom from Acquaintance – casual friendship – close fellowship – intimate fellowship and friendship. Pre-marital sex destroys marriage. It prevents one from being “REAL” J. C. Maxwell. Rom. 12:1-2
WORK ON YOUR CHARACTER

• “The Greatest Enemy Of [Singleness] Is Ignorance Of Self.” (Myles Munroe 2008:15).
• Nobody becomes couple without first being a single. God designed Eve from the single Adam.
• Marriage is successful and good as your singleness. Singleness is more important than marriage. Stop looking for someone to marry but be the best person to be married (intra-relationship). Because you will bring intra into your inter, focus on knowing who you are and what you can do with what you are.
• You can never have a better marriage than your singleness. “A CRACK EGG CANNOT BE HARSH, IT WOULD BE SPOIL & SMELL.” A crack in your character as a single would spoil your marriage and it would smell out for others to know. WORK NOW ON YOURSELF! Many children are suffering from the cracks in their parents’ characters. Imagine a crack-spoilt egg mixed with a good one, what would be the result? Evil companionship spoil good manners

• An egg from our experiment becomes rotten because there is a crack in its character. Whatever s/he is as a single, that is what s/he would be as double, even more! Marriage does not change someone.
• Apart from the transformation information that is received on the good soil, life can be frustrating with a crack in the character.
• “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who LACKS DISCRETION.” (Prov.11:22, Emphasis mine).
• “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go. Lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.” Prov. 22:24
• “Do not be unequally yoke.” 2 Cor.16:14

MARRIAGE IS DETERMINED BY THE QUALITIES OF THE SINGLENESS.

• Singleness is a priority. It is a most precious and delicate season in your life. You have the opportunity now to determine the future of your life. Intra-personal relationship provides INGREDIENTS for INTER-PERSONAL – RELATIONSHIP. Have a meeting with yourself now! This is the right time to develop and build yourself.
• If you cannot be spiritual as a single, you might not be better in marriage. As a single, you have 100% time for self – awareness but as married person 30% time is for yourself. Some people want to live as a single even in marriage, that is a destructive plan. This lesson is a blessing to this generation. Thank God for the vision. 1Cor.7:32-33 reveal the blessings of singleness.

PONDER ON THESE QUESTIONS
Questions: can you marry yourself – a person just like you? Do you believe yourself - to have children like yourself? Do you have value – to add value to others?
POINTERS

• Do not go into a relationship under pressure to.
• Do not relate intimately with someone without vision.
• Do not contemplate someone that cannot be the father or mother to your children.
• Do not relate closely with someone who has no value but fame.
• Do not think of someone who does not value your worth.

Run away from anyone who says I would die if you don’t marry him/her. Be attractive within.
Every Divorce Started with “I LOVE YOU.” Do not marry unknown “HISTORY” person. God hate divorce – Mal.2:16.

SUMMARY

• Marry the wife of your youth – Ps.127:3-5.
• Marriage is a collection of two history not between two people. Avoid deficit in your character as a single.
• Many people don’t get prepared for marriage, they just get married. This lecture aims at saving you from the future misery, frustration, and destruction in your marriage, vision, ministry, and so on even your unborn generation. The older your marriage is the more careful you should be. The future is important than the past.
• Our goal is to reduce the members of criminals in our street through the right information for transformation. Broken homes have negative effects on generations – Becoming a Leader in your generation.

CONCLUSION

• DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH HUMAN UNTIL YOU HAVE FINISHED YOUR ENGAGEMENT WITH CHRIST “For without me, you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
• CALM DOWN – Develop, Refine, Re-create, Improve yourself.
• Be An Asset Not A Deficit, A Blessing Not A Burden, A Promise Not A Problem. May You Be The Singles For The Best Homes In Jesus Name – Amen! ……by Denis Essien

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